Friday, August 26, 2011

Frankie Metro Fucked a Goat





That fucking freak!! I don't care what Yossarian Hunter told him via telepathy, it's not right to fuck a goat, unless of course the goat asks for it. Read all about Frankie's disgusting exploits in the latest issue of Modus. Click here or Frankie Metro might fuck your house pet... if he hasn't already...


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

4 Poems By Frank Reardon


UNTIL THE SCOTCH IS GONE


She said:
i like the way
you sing
songs,

I said that
i did not
sing
any songs,

exactly,
she said,
putting her
hand
up my
thigh.

Scotch Glass Pictures, Images and Photos


ONLY A FEW CAN DANCE ACROSS THE MILKY WAY


do you
think
you are
brilliant
because
you know
the names
& colors
of all the
flowers?

try to
understand
what
makes
them
grow.



ALL THE DISCARDED RINDS OF YOUR PAPER PLATE SOUL


When the women of the world
have left you, alone,
in your bed,
staring up at the ceiling
because
you could not afford
anything other than
that one can of beans
in your cabinet,

When she told everyone,
that you knew in your lives together,
that you were pathetic & weak
because
you could not afford
anything other than
that one beer
someone else left
inside your fridge,

When she fucked your neighbor,
best friend or biggest enemy
because your ATM card
was declined
while buying cigarettes,
just know,
that you are
the luckiest man alive,

Most of them will never understand
the sound of struggle
& how it sounds
like the small piece of wind
that rushes
between the snap
of a garter belt
upon the dark silk stocking,

Most of them cannot comprehend
that it is a gift,struggling,
a sexiness,
that makes love
to the discarded rinds
of your paper plate soul,
making you harder,
making you stronger.

hooker Pictures, Images and Photos



SOMETIMES A MAGNUM .44


Richie,
were you the
bad guy
pretending
to be good

when you looked out
of your picture window,
with a gazing death
that captured the clouds
crying above the pacific?

& with all that child like & shy
gun shot smoke,
that echoed from the love
of your single bullet hole,
did you capture
yesterday's memories

& finally destroy
all of the us
that was hiding
inside
all of the you ?


HAPPY DAYS Pictures, Images and Photos

Meth Lab Radio Show, ft. Newamba, Frankie Metro, and Yossarian Hunter

Listen to internet radio with Newamba on Blog Talk Radio

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Think My Cat Is Gay



“I’m not Jesus” claims my cat

(the very very very very angry cat story)



2.28 am

My cat gets angry with me over a previous dispute about mackerel or something equally as tedious.


2.29 am

I offer him his favourite biscuits.(plop plops)


2.30am

He sighs .Farts.


2.41am

I perform a little Irish jig to cheer him up, get the neighbours involved.


2.55am

He begins giving me the evil eye.


2.56am

I attempt to reason with him.


2.58am

He growls.


2.59am

I growl back.


3.00am

He gives me the finger, twice.


3.08am

I give him the v sign, plus, I give him the finger. (clever huh?)


3.11am

He sharpens his claws on the scratch post.


3.12am

I sharpen mine with a cheese grater I happen to have handy at the time.


3.14am

He spits. Drools.


3.15am

I giggle for a time.


3.16am

He kneels in a prayer position.


3.17am

I copy him, think it looks kinda groovy, relaxing.


3.18am

He breathes slower.


3.19am

So do I.


3.20am

I mention something random about him seeming like Jesus

tonight. Ya know..that well known trouble maker from the Middle East. I think nothing of it.


3.21am

He raises his sweaty paw in a violent manner.



3.22 am

This is what he says to me in street speak-




“ You ain’t nothing but an idiot bro, yo’s a retard, stupid, moron, arsehole, loser, dumbitch, fool, fag, jackass, fucktard, pussy slut, homo, poser, dickhead, dumbfuck…


…yo’s a noob brooo,

a wild wild wild wild fucker I sayz,

jerk, prick, cunt, twat, slut…


..are you blazed dude,..Blazed?

…are you tripping snaaakkke?

Baked?

Blitzed?

Stupid? Gone wrong? Twisted?

Boomed, well out of it?


Are you Ugly bitttchhh?…..


…are you fucked to shit me man? fucked in the mental? fucked stupid? fucked out your tree man?....


….are you fucked 6 ways to Sunday man?...

…..I’ve told you already I AM NOT THE MESSIAH!

please don’t mention it again.”



He pretty much calmed down after that, put on his smoking jacket,

had a quick toke of his favourite spliff and returned to his cat basket

for the duration of the evening.


Advice To (George) My Cat


I advised my cat yesterday to stop napping and go get a life.

This is what happened..


He punched me in the face several times over with a clenched paw, and I fell awkwardly, desperately snatching at the red cotton curtains in my study, ripping them clean off the rails.


Just as I managed to collect myself again, thwack!!

He landed an upper cut square on my jaw.

(by this time he had moseyed over to his basket, sponged down his forehead ‘n’ ears, and laced up his furry white boxing gloves).


Strangely, and at the precise moment the last punch came,

(which happened to be a belter by the way) a peculiar looking bird,

not dissimilar to a pheasant, except that it lacked that pheasanty swagger, popped its head through the serving hatch adjacent to where I was laying. He said he would be more than willing to act as referee, so long as we fought by the Marquis of Queensbury rules.


We both agreed.


At about 7pm(EST) Cyril the squirrel and a whole fat bunch of badgers, possums, and somewhat notorious woodland creatures

entered my garden, now licensed, and fully equipped with cocktail lounge, confederation standard boxing ring, cabaret stage and go go dancers.


We fought a fierce battle


Round 5


George came at me like a cat possessed, frighteningly reminiscent of Mike Tyson (in the match where he chewed part of Holyfield’s ear off) biting down hard on my chin, hissing and clawing me in private areas.


I managed to hold him off for a while and after seeking help from my manager, Frankie the fox (Don King had already snapped up George and molded him into the animal he was), began lunging at him wildly and on occasion practicing my drop kick technique.



27 seconds before the bell goes



George however, never missing an opportunity caught me off guard for a split second with a devastating haymaker sending me cart wheeling out of the ring, past the potting shed and ornamental

water feature, over and under hot dog stands, a man in a lion outfit

and a confused programme seller; through a double set of patio doors, down a spiral staircase, into a dumb waiter, over a bowling alley I’d just set up; down through a laundry shoot, past an elderly couple eating leek and ale sausages, across an underground river, into a lift that shuttled me up to my apartment again, through my Ikea living space (market stall home) and I landed in his litter tray amongst all his poop and stuff.





The Girl who swam with goldfish
thinks her cat is gay.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Immediate Response Required

From Mr Peter Osu.
Accounting and auditing department
(CGB) Accra, Ghana.

Hello,

This mail might come to you as a surprise and the temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind but please consider it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility.

I am Mr Peter Osu, the manager in charge of Accounting and auditing department of Bank institution; with due respect and Regard, I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the transaction.

During our investigation and auditing in this Bank, my department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to one of our deceased customer who died on Feb 29th 2000 of a ghastly motor accident and the fund has been dormant in his account with this bank without any claim of the fund in our Custody either from his family or relation before our discovery to this development. Although personally,

And keep this information secret to enable the whole plans and idea be Profitable and successful during the time of execution, the amount is Four million Nine hundred thousand United States dollars (US$4.9 M), as it may interest you to know,

I contacted you to be my partner and person to be reliable and capable to champion a business of such magnitude without any problem. So we can commence all arrangements and I will give you more information on how we would handle this project. And also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned sum if you agree to handle this business with me. And 60% for me.contact me throungh this mail

Please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and send me the
Following:
1)Your full name
2)Phone, fax and mobile.
3)Company name, position and address.
4)Profession, age and marital status.
5)International pasport or ID card.
6)Account Informatins.

Regards
Mr Peter Osu.