"In response to the Pixies' 'Ed is Dead'" by Newamba Flamingo
Back in high school,
I had a friend named Ed
He had a long black pony tail
and big buckteeth...
Ed was always smiling...
We used to get high at lunchtime
huffing Glade, smoking pot
and popping percocet
One time we got drunk
and double-teamed a big titted ginger bitch with lots of freckles
in the handicapped bathroom of the school library
My ex-girlfriend Wendy said Ed'd fuck anything with two tits and a heartbeat
and Ed said he'd fuck his older half-sister if she'd let him...
Ed stole weed from his dad, who was also named Ed,
and Ed's 12 year old brother stole weed from him...
Ed liked run around the hallways between classes, yelling "slay the beast" in a British accent, making spastic motions with his arms, sometimes stopping to slap a random person upside the head
One time Ed was driving his parent's wood paneled station wagon, lip-syncing "Straight Outta Compton" by NWA, and he stopped at an intersection, rolled down his window and punched a bicyclist in the face for no apparent reason that I could reasonably gather...
Ed said he spent a summer vacation in New Mexico with his cousin Gabriel and that they shot at Devil Worshipers in the desert and that he thought they killed one
Ed said he wanted to shoot Marilyn Manson too...
(Please note that this Ed is not to be confused with another Ed I know, who had testicular cancer and had to have one of his testicles surgically removed. That Ed I studied Classical Chinese with at a training center in Taiwan and got a nasty case of giardia with in Tibet... BUT THIS IS NOT THAT ED.)
My friend from high school Ed was half Mexican and got jumped into the Eighteenth Street Gang by his cousin Juan
His cousin Juan tattooed 18th Street in Roman numerals on the inside of Ed's right ring finger with a sewing needle, cigarette lighter, and india ink
Juan went to jail, and when he was released, he knocked on Ed's window at 2am, wanting Ed to come with him to blow up some fool's car
But Ed didn't go...
I haven't talked to Ed since 2002
Last I heard of him, he was doing well
He got married, bought a townhouse and was working as a paralegal
I wonder if he still has that tattoo