Ride 'em cowboy!

4 Poems By Frank Reardon

UNTIL THE SCOTCH IS GONE


She said:
i like the way
you sing
songs,

I said that
i did not
sing
any songs,

exactly,
she said,
putting her
hand
up my
thigh.




ONLY A FEW CAN DANCE ACROSS THE MILKY WAY


do you
think
you are
brilliant
because
you know
the names
& colors
of all the
flowers?

try to
understand
what
makes
them
grow.



ALL THE DISCARDED RINDS OF YOUR PAPER PLATE SOUL


When the women of the world
have left you, alone,
in your bed,
staring up at the ceiling
because
you could not afford
anything other than
that one can of beans
in your cabinet,

When she told everyone,
that you knew in your lives together,
that you were pathetic & weak
because
you could not afford
anything other than
that one beer
someone else left
inside your fridge,

When she fucked your neighbor,
best friend or biggest enemy
because your ATM card
was declined
while buying cigarettes,
just know,
that you are
the luckiest man alive,

Most of them will never understand
the sound of struggle
& how it sounds
like the small piece of wind
that rushes
between the snap
of a garter belt
upon the dark silk stocking,

Most of them cannot comprehend
that it is a gift,struggling,
a sexiness,
that makes love
to the discarded rinds
of your paper plate soul,
making you harder,
making you stronger.





SOMETIMES A MAGNUM .44


Richie,
were you the
bad guy
pretending
to be good

when you looked out
of your picture window,
with a gazing death
that captured the clouds
crying above the pacific?

& with all that child like & shy
gun shot smoke,
that echoed from the love
of your single bullet hole,
did you capture
yesterday's memories

& finally destroy
all of the us
that was hiding
inside
all of the you ?

Meth Lab Radio Show, ft. Newamba, Frankie Metro, and Yossarian Hunter

Listen to internet radio with Newamba on Blog Talk Radio

Think My Cat Is Gay

“I’m not Jesus” claims my cat

(the very very very very angry cat story)


2.28 am

My cat gets angry with me over a previous dispute about mackerel or something equally as tedious.


2.29 am

I offer him his favourite biscuits.(plop plops)


2.30am

He sighs .Farts.


2.41am

I perform a little Irish jig to cheer him up, get the neighbours involved.


2.55am

He begins giving me the evil eye.


2.56am

I attempt to reason with him.


2.58am

He growls.


2.59am

I growl back.


3.00am

He gives me the finger, twice.


3.08am

I give him the v sign, plus, I give him the finger. (clever huh?)


3.11am

He sharpens his claws on the scratch post.


3.12am

I sharpen mine with a cheese grater I happen to have handy at the time.


3.14am

He spits. Drools.


3.15am

I giggle for a time.


3.16am

He kneels in a prayer position.


3.17am

I copy him, think it looks kinda groovy, relaxing.


3.18am

He breathes slower.


3.19am

So do I.


3.20am

I mention something random about him seeming like Jesus

tonight. Ya know..that well known trouble maker from the Middle East. I think nothing of it.


3.21am

He raises his sweaty paw in a violent manner.



3.22 am

This is what he says to me in street speak-




“ You ain’t nothing but an idiot bro, yo’s a retard, stupid, moron, arsehole, loser, dumbitch, fool, fag, jackass, fucktard, pussy slut, homo, poser, dickhead, dumbfuck…


…yo’s a noob brooo,

a wild wild wild wild fucker I sayz,

jerk, prick, cunt, twat, slut…


..are you blazed dude,..Blazed?

…are you tripping snaaakkke?

Baked?

Blitzed?

Stupid? Gone wrong? Twisted?

Boomed, well out of it?


Are you Ugly bitttchhh?…..


…are you fucked to shit me man? fucked in the mental? fucked stupid? fucked out your tree man?....


….are you fucked 6 ways to Sunday man?...

…..I’ve told you already I AM NOT THE MESSIAH!

please don’t mention it again.”



He pretty much calmed down after that, put on his smoking jacket,

had a quick toke of his favourite spliff and returned to his cat basket

for the duration of the evening.


Advice To (George) My Cat


I advised my cat yesterday to stop napping and go get a life.

This is what happened..


He punched me in the face several times over with a clenched paw, and I fell awkwardly, desperately snatching at the red cotton curtains in my study, ripping them clean off the rails.


Just as I managed to collect myself again, thwack!!

He landed an upper cut square on my jaw.

(by this time he had moseyed over to his basket, sponged down his forehead ‘n’ ears, and laced up his furry white boxing gloves).


Strangely, and at the precise moment the last punch came,

(which happened to be a belter by the way) a peculiar looking bird,

not dissimilar to a pheasant, except that it lacked that pheasanty swagger, popped its head through the serving hatch adjacent to where I was laying. He said he would be more than willing to act as referee, so long as we fought by the Marquis of Queensbury rules.


We both agreed.


At about 7pm(EST) Cyril the squirrel and a whole fat bunch of badgers, possums, and somewhat notorious woodland creatures

entered my garden, now licensed, and fully equipped with cocktail lounge, confederation standard boxing ring, cabaret stage and go go dancers.


We fought a fierce battle


Round 5


George came at me like a cat possessed, frighteningly reminiscent of Mike Tyson (in the match where he chewed part of Holyfield’s ear off) biting down hard on my chin, hissing and clawing me in private areas.


I managed to hold him off for a while and after seeking help from my manager, Frankie the fox (Don King had already snapped up George and molded him into the animal he was), began lunging at him wildly and on occasion practicing my drop kick technique.



27 seconds before the bell goes



George however, never missing an opportunity caught me off guard for a split second with a devastating haymaker sending me cart wheeling out of the ring, past the potting shed and ornamental

water feature, over and under hot dog stands, a man in a lion outfit

and a confused programme seller; through a double set of patio doors, down a spiral staircase, into a dumb waiter, over a bowling alley I’d just set up; down through a laundry shoot, past an elderly couple eating leek and ale sausages, across an underground river, into a lift that shuttled me up to my apartment again, through my Ikea living space (market stall home) and I landed in his litter tray amongst all his poop and stuff.





The Girl who swam with goldfish thinks her cat is gay.

Immediate Response Required

From Mr Peter Osu.
Accounting and auditing department
(CGB) Accra, Ghana.

Hello,

This mail might come to you as a surprise and the temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind but please consider it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility.

I am Mr Peter Osu, the manager in charge of Accounting and auditing department of Bank institution; with due respect and Regard, I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the transaction.

During our investigation and auditing in this Bank, my department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to one of our deceased customer who died on Feb 29th 2000 of a ghastly motor accident and the fund has been dormant in his account with this bank without any claim of the fund in our Custody either from his family or relation before our discovery to this development. Although personally,

And keep this information secret to enable the whole plans and idea be Profitable and successful during the time of execution, the amount is Four million Nine hundred thousand United States dollars (US$4.9 M), as it may interest you to know,

I contacted you to be my partner and person to be reliable and capable to champion a business of such magnitude without any problem. So we can commence all arrangements and I will give you more information on how we would handle this project. And also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned sum if you agree to handle this business with me. And 60% for me.contact me throungh this mail

Please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and send me the
Following:
1)Your full name
2)Phone, fax and mobile.
3)Company name, position and address.
4)Profession, age and marital status.
5)International pasport or ID card.
6)Account Informatins.

Regards
Mr Peter Osu.

Two from M for Magicant

***
Fingerpainting
***


Each of your colors

Nondiscriminatory

Pipe bombs in school


***
MY AMAZING WIFE
***


I threw her on the bed and looked at her bum.
I pulled her panties off. I put my belly on her.
I took her boobs out of her shirt, individually, like eggs.
Like eggs I squeezed her head. I squeezed her boobs.
I put one back in her shirt, I let the other flop around.
I put my hands on top of her head, as well as under her head.
I tweaked her nipples. I took the boob that's in, I took it out.
And vice versa. I grabbed her throat.
I put my weight on her, I really leaned into it.
I put her on her back. I made her suck it.
I squeezed one boob while she jerked me. I left it alone.
I let it just hang there.
I came on her cheek nose eye.
I rubbed it on her tongue.
She forces a smile.
Her teeth are kinda crooked.
She's not gorgeous but she's gotta nice body still.





M for Magicant is Canadian and goes jogging at 3am.

Necrophilia - A Love Story

Usually she bought nickelbags of weed
that freckle-faced girl
maybe 18 at most
lived 'round the corner
from his ground floor apt

had no idea how she found him
but he couldn't take his mind off her
those wavy dirty blond curls
sweet smell of her shampoo
way the bottom tips of her asscheeks
peeked outta her hot pants

infatuated
though he wasn't in love
never thought he knew
what love was

gradually he moved up
from spots of weed
to big bags of black tar heroin
but he held onto his favorite customer

one muggy afternoon
she came by
hair in pigtails
noticed a different shade in his drawer
got real curious

first he played it off
didn't want her involved
perhaps due to their decade (or more) age difference
he felt protective
but she insisted
so he sold her the first bag of a new batch
showed her how to shoot it up
offered her a free needle and his couch

flame met spoon
syringe punctured skin
blood mixed with syrupy contents
from the burnt spoon's mouth
her eyeballs rolled white
eyelids clamped shut
she melted silently into the couch
motionless

he figured she'd passed out
plucked the needle from her arm
went back to playing Xbox

'bout a half hour later
she still lay like a rock
was turning kinda blue

he poked at her idle thighs a couple times
nothing
then seized her arms and shook her
no response
felt at her neck
no pulse
panic overtook him
his heart raced
he ran around the room
grabbed a beer, threw it over her
still nothing

he sat back down to the couch
buried his face in his hands and broke into tears
thought he'd go to jail
get assraped by white supremacists
he remembered all the episodes of “Oz” he'd watched

he was scared shitless

so he decided to bring her body to the canal later that night
figured it'd get eaten pretty quick by 'gators

picking her up in his arms
he brought her to his bedroom
and laid her on the bed
didn't want any other customer who might come by to see her

later that night
after smoking weed and drinking all day
he went back to his bedroom to fetch her
was about to chuck her into his duffel bag
and drag her to the canal
but, as he gazed at her,
lying so peacefully
in a Jesus Christ pose
he just couldn't do it
he couldn't let such a thing of beauty
be ripped apart by 'gators

lying down next to her
he ran his hand around
on her bare midriff
which was only lukewarm
slowly he inched up further
caressing her perky young tits
which jiggled at his touch

instantly he sprouted an erection
and twisted down his sweatpants/boxers
and pulled off her hot pants and pink frilly panties
peering in wonder at her barely hairy purplish cunt

he hovered above her like an apparition
spread her legs, angled himself between them
then stuck his cock up inside her

she felt kind of cold
but much better than his hand

he took a few strokes
her tightness caused him to cum quick
he pulled out and lay back
blacked out soon after

when he awoke the next morning
to the air conditioner's clunky hum
something stunk
like the worst stink he'd ever smelled
like 20X worse than a skunk
it was her

a surge of vomit tapped at the back of his throat
he was about to stuff her slightly bloated body
into his duffel bag
but still couldn't do it

her angelic face
her legs spread eagle
the magic of her nearly bald cunt
mesmerized him

so he kept her for a few more days
masking the smell as best he could

late at night he cuddled with her
told her his secrets
kissed her frigid tongue
poured hot olive oil in her pussy to warm it up
and fucked her every morning and night
until skin started to peel off her bones

finally, he knew he had to let her go
so he stuffed her into that duffel bag
and brought her on down to the bowels of Sarasota
to the 'gators

they made quick work of her
chomping up every bit of that soft little body
like a National Geographic special

and as he stood at the edge of the canal
watching them devour her
his eyes got watery
and for the very first time
he thought he knew
what love was